Unrequited Love.

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I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately (as I do, all the time) and I started to think, what do you do when the person you want, doesn’t want you back? If you’re an extremely emotional person like I am, this experience is enough to send you into full depression mode. I’m talking about crying all night, binging on ice cream and watching Lifetime movies while I wallow in my pain. Okay, maybe that’s a bit much but you get the idea. Unrequited love is something that has the possibility to ruin even the strongest of women.

You fit together so perfectly and everyone around you can see it; everyone but them. It doesn’t make sense to you because everything seems to align for the two of you and there seems to be no plausible reason for you not to be together. They make you laugh. Really laugh. Not the kind of laughter that’s forced just because you like them. You genuinely laugh because you think they’re funny. Your hand fits firmly into theirs and your body melts into their chest when you hug them. You start to wonder if God had you in mind when He was forming them in their mother’s womb. They look into your eyes as if they were the only pair of eyes in the room… in the world. You tell them how you pray for them at night but you wonder if they know that you really pray FOR them at night.

You have this rosy picture in your mind of how great life would be if the two of you were together and it all comes crashing down when they tell you that they’re interested in someone…someone who is not you.

*cue sad violin solo*

What do you do now?

The younger more immature me would have told you to pack your bags and move out of the country because your life is over. I’ve matured since then (thank goodness).

I could tell you to not let it affect you too much and that you should do your best to forget about that person but the truth is it’s never that easy. It’s never easy to move on from rejection when it’s someone you really cared about. This person has been the object of your affection and is now crushing your poor, little heart.

I’m far from an expert when it comes to love and matters of the heart but I’ve had my share of love lost and heartbreak.

So how did I get over it?

I had to come to the realization that not everyone you like, love or want is going to like, love or want you back. That’s just life. It sounds harsh but that’s just how it is.

When dealing with a broken heart, we tend to look at life through different lenses. Everything seems definite.

“I’ll never get over them!”

“I’ll never be able to move on!”

“My life is over!”

As hard as it may be, you have to pull yourself out of this funk and realize that life goes on! Just think about it, before you met this person, you were living life just fine. So, why can’t life go back to being ‘just fine’ or better?

Love is something that’s meant to be shared. If it’s one sided, it’s probably not meant to be.

If you find yourself continuously going the extra mile for this person with no reciprocal effort or feeling over exerted, trying to please them, chances are this person isn’t the one for you.

Do you catch my drift yet?

When feelings are placed on the spectrum, it should not be lopsided. Love, like or wanting, should be mutual.

I know this is super cliche but you really do deserve better!

You deserve someone who will see you and see a future. You deserve a love that adds color to your life. You deserve someone who’s as crazy about you as you are about them.

The next time you find yourself pining over someone who doesn’t want you, take a step back and remind yourself that this person isn’t a horrible person! Your life isn’t over and it’s okay.

It may not seem like it in the midst of this flurry of emotions but you will move on from this and will realize just how much of an awesome person you are.

Keep kicking, lovers!

 

 

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His Eyes.

His eyes were a poem.
I still believe in them.
I once told him that he held sunsets and happiness in his smile.
He looked at me like I only he could and said, “If I hold sunsets, you must be the creator of the sunrise.”
God must’ve kissed his smile and completed the masterpiece with those eyes.
His eyes were a poem.

Nobody Else Can Heal You

Thought Catalog

I’m not saying you have to have it all seamlessly together to be loved. I actually think that real love grows when someone finds unspeakable beauty in the place you’ve been cut open. But the thing is, you can’t expect someone else to heal those wounds. They can love you and that love can facilitate healing, but you are the only person who can heal yourself. Nobody else will ever be able to alleviate your burdens. It may seem like it for a little while, but the brokenness of your foundation will always show eventually.

Yes, love is transformative and enlightening and humbling and probably the most real thing we can experience. It is responsible for a whole slew of miraculousness, but romantic love will not solve your problems. The high you get from the newness of someone will eventually subside, as it always does, and you’ll be left even…

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Reversal.

Sometimes I wish I could switch roles with you.

I’d tell you how much I’m into you and how I can totally see myself with you.

I’d say that I want to take things slow and start out as friends but that I’m open to the possibility of us being together.

I’d call you “baby” and kiss you and cuddle with you at night.

I’d make you feel special. Out of all the guys in our circle of friends, I’d single you out. I’d expect you to feed me when I’m hungry, come running when I call and stroke my ego when I need it.

When you start to get jealous of the attention I give to other guys, I’d reassure you that you have nothing to worry about.

When you start to get emotional over the fact that I’m not acting like I really want you, I’d remind you that “I’m not really trying to be in a relationship right now” and that “you knew where I stood when it came to relationships”.

About a month or so later, I’d realize that I, in fact, do want to be in a relationship.

When you get your hope up, I’d remind you that you and I are just friends.

Yes, I want to be in a relationship…but not with you.

Even though I led you on, I never intended to be anything more than your friend.

I just need you around when it’s convenient for me.

I need you to still want me even though I don’t want you.

I want you to be okay with this.

34 Reasons I Need To Stop Liking You

Same.

Thought Catalog

1. You make me feel like shit more than you make me feel good.

2. I get insecure when I think of you with another girl. We’re not even dating. We’re not even hooking up on a regular basis anymore. We’re “just friends”.

3. You leave me in tears as often as you leave me in laughter.

4. I started liking my best friend less because I was hanging out with you more.

5. You never pick up your crumbs off the couch.

6. Even though I gained so much self-confidence, I lost most of it to you.

7. You give me reasons to want to be better, but I need to be better for me.

8. Sweatpants.

9. My day often revolves around you, when it should revolve around painting and reading and writing and things that I know I truly love.

10. When I said I squatted 200…

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12 Things No One Told Me About Sex After Rape

Thought Catalog

There is a strange sort of unspoken theory that once a woman has been raped, sex is no longer a viable option for her. Sex has been replaced by trauma, fear, pain, and anxiety. I’m not saying this is never the case. Every survivor’s story and experience is different, but too often the assumption is that if you have been raped, you are sexually broken and forever unfixable. That sort of discourse is not healthy or empowering or even sympathetic. What I want to say is what I wish I had been told: rape is not a form of sex, it is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatizing. It is possible for sex to exist after rape because they are different experiences, just like it’s possible for you to still enjoy going out to eat even if you got food poisoning once. You might never go…

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10 Things About Writing I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

Thought Catalog

1) Be patient. When I was 23 I always felt this absurd need to draft quickly, edit very little, and send out the piece immediately. Just because you finished a 3,000 word story doesn’t mean you should submit it to the New Yorker an hour later. The time away from a piece of writing is time spent on the piece of writing.

2) It’s okay to not be writing. Guilt can be a motivator, sure, but when that guilt is clouding your story and ideas and generally fucking with you in a way that pushes you to write badly, it’s time to stop. I’m all for working hard and pushing through, but learn to forgive yourself and walk away sometimes. I once went an entire year without writing and it felt good.

3) Listen to editors who reject your work. Seems easy to just read a rejection and think, “fuck…

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You Led Me On

Thought Catalog

At some point in the next week or so you’re going to start to wonder why I haven’t texted you back or why I haven’t had even 45 seconds to compose you a short, sassy email. “I’m supposed to be the busy one,” you’ll think. You’re going to be even more confused when you reach out again, only to realize that our iMessage thread is becoming increasingly one-colored. Well, I don’t want to be passive aggressive with you, and I can’t adequately explain my frustration in 300 characters or less. So here, sir, (I’d call you out by name but I think I’ll leave that to Taylor Swift), is your answer.

You led me on. I thought we were on the same page. I thought when you called me “babe” and told me that talking to me makes your entire day better that you meant that you hadn’t put me…

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Before Someone Loves You, You Must Love Yourself

Thought Catalog

Someone is going to touch your hand in a dark movie theater where a scary movie is playing but you can’t remember a single thing that happened in the story because you are too busy concentrating on your own breath and how close this person is to your body. They are going to reach out and touch you and it is going to feel like a thousand needles pushing into your skin at once, the kind of pain which is as much a thrill as it is an object of fear. You are going to forget how to breathe, how to look normal, how to pretend to be the person you were only a few seconds ago. And it will be good, but it won’t be love.

I dated a guy for a time who was very nice. We’re used to the descriptor “nice” as having become almost a euphemism…

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I Don’t Know What I Mean To You

This. All of this.

Thought Catalog

I have been feeling guilty about wanting to stop seeing my therapist. While discussing this, she asked me if I am very concerned with how I affect other people. Strangely, this innocuous little question sent me reeling.

My first reaction was ,“No, that doesn’t resonate with me at all.”

We both paused, waiting for me to continue.

Magically, in the best way therapy can, this opened up a new avenue into my psyche, one I would not have discovered on my own. I proceeded slowly at first.

“I think…that I…am more concerned with how others affect me.” But that didn’t sound right. Did that mean I am completely self-absorbed? Goddess forbid! I wanted to find a shred of evidence that I did care how I affect others.

When I couldn’t immediately find any, I defensively declared that it is useless to be concerned about that because it would just guessing…

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