This Is How You Lose Me: A How-To Guide.

Forget.

Forget the curve of my smile and the reasons I smile in the first place. Don’t remember the little things like how I have to rub my feet together to fall asleep or how I make that silly face whenever I’m deep in thought. Forget the echo of my laughter and the depth in my eyes. Try not to remember the things that hurt me; the things that make me cry. Try not to remember the things that keep me up at night and the moments that I consider magical. It’s not like any of these things are THAT important to me.

Act.

Act as though you don’t really like me when we’re out in public. Don’t hold my hand, don’t call me baby and don’t stare longingly into my eyes like you did the night before. When I try to kiss you in public, act like you’re repulsed. Don’t let me. Embarrass me. Be the loving, patient, caring lover that you are behind closed doors but when our friends come around, act as if I’m ‘just a friend”. Don’t make me feel special. It will only make me like you and we don’t want that, right? Make me feel replaceable. All the attention you used to show me, start showing it to someone else. Make her feel special even when I’m around. And when I get jealous, tell me I’m overreacting.

Stop.

Stop telling me how important I really am to you. Stop letting me believe that you actually care for me. Don’t waste your time telling me I’m beautiful. When I take my time to look nice, don’t acknowledge my efforts. Stop reminding me how much you really like me. I should know that by now, right? Stop loving my laugh and hating to see me upset. The love and appreciation you used to show me in the beginning of our friendship, stop showing it. Stop trusting me and stop valuing my opinion…what do I know, anyways?

Be.

Be THAT guy. The guy who can’t show emotions. The guy who would accept death before he admits that he’s falling for me. Play hard to get. Play games. Play with my emotions. Be inconsiderate. Be a jerk. Be all the things you know I don’t like. Be a completely different person from the sweet man I met that one night you stole my attention. Be cruel. Be absent. Be very and I repeat, be VERY flirtatious with that girl you know I don’t like. To make things easier, just be everything I’ve told you I hate.

Take.

Take me for granted. Take me for a fool. Take away my trust. Take away the reasons I smile. Take advantage of my sweet nature. Take advantage of my kindness. Take my heart and toss it around. I know you said you would never hurt me but take that back! You take it back now! Go back on that promise and do your best to break it. Take all the time you want! I mean, it’s not like I want to know where this thing is headed. It’s not like I’m getting older and want to some day have a commitment from you.

So you see, it’s pretty easy to lose me. But if by chance, you want to keep me, read this backwards and it’ll be the story of a man who rescued a woman who was ready to give up and ended up keeping her forever.

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Dear Music.

I was never a big fan of Music

Until I was taken captive by the soulful Music which was for my soul what music is to lyrics

It’s compliment.

And with calm impliments of love I surrendered.

This melody which I previously refused has been re-fused into my system,

The beat.

The rhytmatic regiments of a rhytm addicted specimen that I hardly understood.

At times it sounded so good and it felt even better.

It was like a spiritual love letter.

Music.

To some just words and sounds

But when your on battle grounds it means so much more.

I adore the inspiration that led me to the sound.

For once my ears (and heart) were lost but now I’m inspirationally found.

 

Thank you Music

 

XOXO,

 

Rose.

Smile.

Last night we talked and after our goodbyes I caught myself writing you poetry in the form of a smile

I put pen to paper to beautifully express how much you mean to me and how my heart totally screws up my inner melody because it skips beat after beat when you are near

I was so ready to write this beautiful piece but as my pen hit the sheet, my mind wouldn’t cooperate

I tried to arrange my words in a way that would perfectly describe how you make me feel but I came up blank

Because what I came to realize is that no word in the english language comes close to describing this feeling

Trust me, I read the dictionary from beginning to end…

Well not really cause I kind of just skimmed through it and stopped on “e” but somewhere between “euphoria” and “excited” I made my exit because such a word doesn’t exist

But I’m still smiling cause while words won’t suffice, I found an even better poem

One that was already written, especially for you

The smile across my face, priceless and worth more than any words could ever amount to, explains in full detail exactly what you mean to me

Exactly how you make me feel

So until Websters comes out with a new edition, I’ll continue reciting the same poem

To Every Guy I’ve Hurt Before.

If sorry could make things better, I’d say it a million times
But my words could never begin to heal the wounds I’ve inflicted on you
The wounds I poured emotional salt on to the point where they became untreatable
I’ve messed it up for the next girl
Leaving you with pain and questions that I cannot answer
I’ve lied to you, played you, took you for granted
I said things I didn’t mean and never told you what I really felt
I’m a monster and I know that I could never undo what has already been done
Tear stained eyes blur my vision as I write this because I now know how it really feels
I could blame my actions on past hurts and the last a**hole that broke my heart but the truth is, it was all me
I chose to play with your emotions
I chose to make “us” seem like more than we really were
I chose to put your feelings on the back burner while I selfishly took care of me
If sorry could make things better, I’d say it a million times
But my words could never begin to heal to wounds I’ve inflicted on you
You were good to me
I know this
You cared, you shared, you were there when I was at my lowest
You loved me in spite of Rose
You loved when I didn’t love myself
You loved me when I made it hard to love me
You loved me
And I could write you a million poems that beautifully describe how apologetic I am but I know that will never undo the done deed
But I’ll write you this piece to let you know that I acknowledge my wrong doings
And if you never speak to me again, I’ll understand
If you never speak to me again, I won’t be mad
Because the pain of knowing I hurt you feels like…it feels like…there’s no metaphor for it
It’s just painful
If sorry could make things better, I’d say it a million times
But my words could never begin to heal the wounds I’ve inflicted on you
But if sorry is a start to a long road of forgiveness
I’ll gladly say it 999,999 more times