Why I’m Still Single.

I HATE getting asked that damn, stupid question.
“You’re such an amazing girl. Why are you still single?”
Bro, don’t ask me that!
I don’t know why I’m still single but since I’m asked the question so much I’ve come up with some pre packaged answers so I’ll always be ready.

1. I’m not good at remembering important things.
My ex once walked home (about two hours walk, at 11:30 at night) because I forgot to pick him up from work. No one wants to date a girl who can’t remember that the day she shared her first kiss with you was May 19th. Or was it March? See!

2. I’m really gassy.
At first, it’s cool. A little burp here and there followed by a cute little “excuse me, babe.” Then it’s a fart that slips out while laughing too hard. It finally gets to a point where you realize that I emit more gas than a Hummer and it’s no longer cute. “It’s just nasty, girl.”

3. I’m clingy.
I’m afraid of losing people. It’s happened so much that you’d think I’d be used it by now but nope. It still scares me to think that I could get attached to someone and live them and then, poof! They’re gone. So I cling on to you in hopes that you won’t leave me. Not in a psycho kinda way but enough to make me undateable, I guess.

4. I write about everyone.
This really shouldn’t be a problem but apparently it is. I live writing. It’s what I do. If I like you, I’m going to write about you. Sometimes I’ll write things that might embarrass you cause they’re so cute and all that other stuff but it’s what I do!

5. I’m a know-it-all.
I correct everyone. I can’t help it. If we’re texting and you use ‘they’re’ instead of ‘their’, I’m going to correct you. I know it annoys the crap out of people but it annoys me to date someone who doesn’t feel the need to use proper grammar.

So, as you can see, I have my flaws. And while these reasons aren’t reason enough for me to be single, I’ll continue using them until I have a reason not to.


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