I’m in love with myself. Like seriously, in love. I’m not conceited. I’m not full of myself. I’m just aware. Aware of the fact that I am a beautiful individual.
When I was younger, I hated looking in the mirror. I’ve always had a dark complexion and for the first 14 years of my life, I hated it. I hated the fact that my friends were all fair skinned and “pretty”.
They were never called blacky, tar baby, midnight. They never had to worry about wearing colors that were too bright or too dark. They never had to endure the pain of ridicule from kids of all ages. They were never made fun of when the lights were turned off during movie time in class. Damn, kids were mean.
I envied my friends and their “beautiful” skin. But something changed when I got to high school.
I became fearless!
As a freshman in high school I had a crush on a senior names S. he was fine and I was sprung. We never dated but what did happen was even better. Sometimes, someone (or something) else has to step in and show you what you’ve been unable to see for so long. S once told me that I was beautiful. Never hearing that before, I laughed. No one ever referred to be as ‘beautiful’ before. I was never beautiful. I was dark and ugly. My hair was rough. My nose was greasy and my self esteem was crushed. And here was this handsome man calling me beautiful. I had to laugh.
But he was serious. He said I had this rare form of beauty that blessed every eye that had the privilege of gazing upon it. It may sound corny but at the time, at that age, at that uncomfortable stage of my life…it was all I needed.
From then on, I made it my mission to find that beauty that he saw. And thus began my search. I no longer looked at my dark skin as a burden but a blessing. A blessing kissed by the sun. It was a gift passed down from generations of beautiful, black, strong individuals who felt I’d adequately do it justice. I no longer cared what everyone else though about me because I now saw myself for what I really was: me.
I may not be the best writer or singer or artist but dammit, I’m the best Rose I’ve ever met!