Lost: Emotions

Today is Wednesday, which means it’s been a whole week since we last talked. I’d love to say I’m sad but the truth is, I’ve become immune to the hurt you bring. When we were walking down the pier and you went on and on about how you didn’t know what you wanted anymore and how you were unsure if you wanted to be with me, all I could think about was whether or not I turned the stove off. Did you hear that?! While you were talking about the fate of our relationship all I could think about was the stove. THE STOVE! So now as I stand in front of your mother as she asks when we last talked, I’m cold…emotionless.

“About a week ago, I think.”

The lack of emotion on my face must have alarmed her cause she suddenly burst into tears, her breathing staggered.

“What happened?”

“He’s…gone! They found his body in the lake. They said he jumped off the bridge but I just don’t believe it!” she said between sobs.

At that very moment I prayed more than I ever prayed before. I prayed for hurt, fear, sorrow. Any emotion at all. But my prayers went unanswered so I stood there, dry eyed and waiting. I waited for the emotions to come flooding in. They never came. Instead of being sad, I grew angry. This isn’t how our story was supposed to end. You took the easy way out (as you usually did). You were supposed to live with the hurt and anguish just as I had for all those years. You were supposed to wake up every morning, regretting the decision to ever let me go. You were supposed to get teary eyed when you saw me walking with the new man in my life. You were supposed to live with the hurt that I’ve been living with ever since you broke up with me.

Finally, I cried.

I cried for me. For my selfish thoughts. And I cried for you.

You should have stuck around.

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